Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Church of England News - Underpants Baptism & Dueling Dyke Vicar

 

Justsin Welby


What's going on in the venerable if shrinking Church of England? Plenty.

In the Diocese of Hereford wayward parson Clive Evans, 62, has been suspended for six months for performing a baptism in his underpants and touching women's bottoms during the "full immersion" ritual.

Recalling the incident, one family member said: "Clive then started to remove his shirt which I thought was fair enough seeing as he didn't want to get it wet. However when he started taking his shorts off I was shocked and thought to myself why is he undressing completely in front of my mother, my sister and I."


The Repellent Bishop of Hereford

A disciplinary tribunal stated that there was “no extreme urgency which might conceivably be imagined to justify a state of semi-nakedness.” The Bishop of Hereford, Richard Jackson condemned the malfeasant cleric: “The behaviour of Revd Evans is completely unacceptable, and we will be keeping all those affected by this case in our prayers.

“Clergy are in a privileged position of leadership. Their congregations and the wider community hold them in trust. The professional guidelines to which they are bound make clear that this is a trust that they must not abuse.

“The behaviour and actions of Revd Evans are in no way reflective of acceptable church practice.”


Savage

Who knew that this mind blog would find itself in agreement with the Diocese of Hereford, but that's not all. Again, according to the UK’s Daily Mail, Rev Michelle Bailey, 54, has been accused of savagely attacking her female fiancée, Diane Shaw, 56. 

During the alleged attack Shaw suffered two black eyes, a split nose, her ear detached from her head and multiple bruises and bite marks. In court testimony, Shaw stated:

I went over to her and she was lying over the bonnet of my Audi TT. I grabbed her hair back to pull her off of my car. She tripped on a split and fell over on the tarmac. She pulled my glasses off. I picked my frame up. She got in front of me and that’s when she really laid into me. I was punched in the face numerous times, forcefully, between four and six times. I tried to stop her but I couldn’t any longer… I got two black eyes, split nose. My right ear had became detached from my head, bite marks too and bruises to my torso.


Bite That Ear Right Off Her Head

Leaving aside the remarkable she was lying over the bonnet of my Audi TT you may have noticed this, "My right ear had become detached from my head." Wow, Bailey bit her girlfriend's ear off.

We're almost impressed, but the Church of England wasn't. Bailey's been suspended from her £40,000-a-year vicar job. What, they get that much money?




Cash aside, beware the gaily colored rainbow and its unicorn's thudding hooves.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

14 comments:

Dad of Six said...

As to the catfight, I am amazed that this wasn't captured on a camera somewhere.

Infidel de Manahatta said...

I must be getting conservative in my old age. I thought biting someone's ear off was reserved for the likes of Mike Tyson when he was fighting Evander Holyfield.

I mean if you allow EVERYONE to start biting ears off then biting an ear off loses its value.

#respectbitingearsoff

Wild, wild west said...

Cue the theme from "Jaws" please.

Kid said...

She is just a Mike Tyson fan. Blame TV and social media (and Trump) for this.

Paul M said...

The result of rebreathing one’s exhalate for two years, warps the mind of the face diaper wearer beyond demented.

Undergroundpewster said...

I learned to never get between two women in a cat fight because you might get clawed, but now I know that you might lose an ear.

Mike_C said...

"My right ear had became detached from my head"

Usually I am not a fan of the whole "active voice" business (you know, you're now supposed to say "we analyzed data using SAS v9.4" instead of "data were analyzed using SAS 9.4") but in this case I believe the active voice is called for. How about you try: Michelle Bailey bit my right ear off, Ms Shaw?

LSP said...

Mike, I'm with you. Part of the problem, perhaps, is script writing creep-in immediacy. But yes, I agree, in this case justified.

Did you notice "she was lying all over the bonnet of my Audi"? I thought that special.

LSP said...

It's a terrible thing, pewster, it really is.

LSP said...

I was thinking that too, Paul. They've been driven insane by masking, lockdowns and, snerk, science.

LSP said...

Good call, Kid. It's Trump's fault.

LSP said...

Wild... TEETH.

LSP said...

OK, Infidel, I too have a grudging respect for the combatants. At least one bit hard.

LSP said...

Now that, DOS, is a very good point. Hmmmmm.