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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Anglican Consultative Council Taken Over By Mantis People!


Frightening new evidence appears to show that the Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) has been taken over by Mantis People.

A young clergyperson, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims she was abducted  by a mantid and taken to the Council control room, which was operated by insect-like aliens, including one who appeared to be a bishop and wore long purple robes.

Abductee's Drawing of the Anglican Consultative Council

"It was terrifying," she stated, "I thought the Anglican Consultative Council was an Instrument of Unity, but it was overrun by all these Mantis People. They were feverishly working in the Council control room, like insects. One of them wore a purple robe, I think it was their leader, maybe a bishop."


Some commentators believe that the extraterrestrials are a "shady" and "dubious" threat to Anglicanism and humanity itself. 

A Mantis

"Doesn't sound like these beings want what's best for the human race after all!" said one pundit, "If they want to help us why then not just show themselves to the world? Why are people abducted in the middle of the night against their will, strapped to a table and subjected to all kinds of medical procedures? Why do they need our DNA? They are supposed to be so advanced??? This is way too shady and dubious!"

A Bishop


Before being taken over by what seems to be a sinister alien race, the Anglican Consultative Council was a respected component of the Anglican Communion and worked for church unity.

According to the abducted clergyperson, those days may be over.

LSP




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12 comments:

  1. LLFebruary 12, 2015 at 8:03 AM

    Justin does have that mantis look about him -- and all this time I thought it had to do with the "house elf" in him. It certainly fits with the whole "aliens have taken over the C of E" theme.

    Why hasn't the National Enquirer picked up on this. I rely on them for hard news, like the "man in black" that I am.

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  2. LSPFebruary 12, 2015 at 8:39 AM

    I'm not saying that Justin is a Mantis Person, but someone saw what seemed to be a "bishop" in the control room.

    I'm surprised the NE hasn't picked up the story too. Odd.

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  3. LLFebruary 12, 2015 at 9:15 AM

    I don't know if the 'brass' allows you to moonlight, but you'd be a shoe in with the Sun (UK)... Moonlighting with the Sun sounds a bit like an oxymoron, but in light of the mainstream C of E, nothing sounds strange at all anymore.

    I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if Justin did a "robot" dance while at the pulpit giving a Sunday sermon, flanked by six impossibly ugly, chubby back-up dancers twirling in red silk.

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  4. LSPFebruary 12, 2015 at 9:32 AM

    I miss the Sun. heh...

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  5. EuripidesFebruary 12, 2015 at 12:42 PM

    I wouldn't actually say that Justin is a Mantis Person, but you never see them together at parties. Just sayin'.

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  6. LLFebruary 12, 2015 at 2:01 PM

    If you're walking in a garden and Justin starts to eat the aphids on the rose bushes, you may want to walk assertively and deliberately away from him while he eats...

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  7. LSPFebruary 12, 2015 at 2:19 PM

    Say, for example, that you're strolling around Lambeth Palace, reflecting on things and Justin starts "feasting."

    You could ignore it and pretend he's a little eccentric.

    Or you could purposefully walk briskly away, out of the gates, before his "clan" arrives.

    I think I'd take the latter course.

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  8. EuripidesFebruary 12, 2015 at 2:29 PM

    Good heavens. A whole swarm of Anglican bishops feasting on aphids at Lambeth sounds truly terrifying. Be sure to take your friends and loved ones with you as you briskly walk away.

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  9. LLFebruary 12, 2015 at 2:30 PM

    Some of his bishops are so baroque looking that there is no other explanation than "re-skinned" mantis people. I'm not picking on the unfortunate circumstances of their DNA stack-up. I'm pointing out that none but a mantis person would understand that they're re-skinning themselves so hideously.

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  10. LSPFebruary 12, 2015 at 4:55 PM

    It's a terrifying prospect, Euripides. No doubt about it.

    Will you find me hanging out at the ACC office? No.

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  11. LSPFebruary 12, 2015 at 4:59 PM

    That's a good point, LL. Mantis People have a notoriously different idea of what's attractive, and what isn't, than us humans.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not proposing some kind of "cultural relativism," just stating a fact.

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  12. Mad PadreFebruary 13, 2015 at 5:02 PM

    Actually I'm quite fond of mantises, and wish I lived far enough south that I could see them in the garden. I just wouldn't want to be probed by one!

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