There we were, in the dead heat of a dead hot summer and we prayed, when will this heat ever end? Maybe never, so there you are at your desk, sweat dripping down onto the Dell even though your AC's running full blast like a racehorse which just can't keep up.
No kidding, the very ground is cracking under the heat and there you are, idly chopping sweating mahogany with a razor sharp kukri, chop, chop, chop, in time with failing ChiCom ceiling fan dystopia.
A knock on the door. Rap, rap, rap. You look up through the heat haze, clearing a Glock .45, "Come in!" All very Master and Commander and enter the office, and he does, a complete 5.7' of hooded aggressor. Wow, 13% produces 50% of the crime. "Where's your money at?" demands our malfeasant POC friend, waving a blunt machete and a worse than useless garbage Hi-Point.
You look hoodrat in the eye and ask, "You want money? Yeah, we all want money, so take it, it's yours, it's up the monkey, just help yourself. Hey man, have at it, feel free, it's all yours."
100% eye contact. There you are in 110* waiting on the monkey rush, call it a stand-off. So what's it gonna be? Life and death. Rush the monkey to get the cash or... not. Your call, buddy, as a dystopian fan whirs overhead, and the heat does not lessen. No, it builds.
Hoodie looks at the munificent monkey, standing tall in your corner, full off cash, a veritable simian of a floor safe, and you can see the pull of greed versus personal safety playing out in Hoodie's mind. What's it to be, rush the monkey and get the cash and die rich, or retreat out of this hot, hot room, alive.
You watch, tapping your kukri impatiently against a scarred desk, "Maybe it's time for you to go, my friend. Or maybe you want to get all up in the Rittenhouse. Your call, go ask the monkey. It's totally up to you."
Which way would you play this utterly unlikely scenario, punters?
Cheers,
LSP
I'd shoot his ass upon entering. No sense giving out choices.
ReplyDeletemaxx
Been there a couple of times in my life. Best defense is going on the offense - no talk needed.
ReplyDelete"State the reason for your visit. Oh, never mind."
ReplyDeleteEmploy the OODA Loop on him, get him off his planned trajectory. Rush him the instant your brain realizes what’s up, assuming too much time hasn’t passed. Punk walks into a cafe demanding everyone sit tight waving a weapon, friggin gird the loins and run at him, body tackle him into the coffee service. You may get hurt, even seriously, but you’ll save everyone else as the perp has no clue what to do next once his plan is interrupted. Can I do that? I pray God gives me the fortitude and situational awareness to make it so…otherwise I might become another victim…and who wants that.
ReplyDelete@WSF x2
ReplyDeleteWSF X3
ReplyDeleteWSF X4 Go Condition RED on his ass....
ReplyDelete1350* is an unfortunate number, but just a number. “Thirteen do fifty” is Hate Speech. But that’s for violent crime, which is essentially artisanal, individual-victim specific crime.
ReplyDeleteNow major financial crimes are industrial and wholesale, much like carpet bombing, seeing as they wipeout thousands at a minimum. Noticing patterns in who commits major financial crime is not only Hate Crime, it’s incitement to genocide. So don’t do it!
Mike_C
* yes, violating the “don’t begin a sentence with a number unless you spell it out” rule. 100% of the heinous-criminal commenters violating that standard are Asian. Goldang Asians. And oops I did it again.
Maxx, you make a very good point.
ReplyDeleteYes, WSF. And by way of full disclosure, this scenario came from a talk I had with LL a few years back on the benefits of a monkey trophy. "Where's the cash?" It's up the monkey.
ReplyDeleteRitchie, I laughed!
ReplyDeletePeople do just that, Paul. And now I'm reminded of that diner scene in Pulp Fiction.
ReplyDeleteLL, thanks for the inspiration for this very short story.
ReplyDeleteI think WSF gets the vote, drjim.
ReplyDeleteAnon, hate speech comes in many forms, sometimes it's numeric. Enjoy your time in reeducation.
ReplyDeleteIf his gun is out, take him out.
ReplyDeleteOr, as the famous philosopher Tuco once said, "If you're going to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."
Mind I'm not advocating indiscriminate gunfire, but........