Russia Launches Beluga Whales At Western Socialism

Far from resting on his laurels, former KGB strongman Vladimir Putin wasn't content with victoriously installing a Kremlin agent in the White House. He had to go one step further in his bid for total, absolute power by recruiting innocent sea creatures. 

Norway

Shocked Norwegian fishermen discovered at least one beluga whale wearing what appears to be a spy harness, specially fitted to allow Muscovite surveillance. While examining the harness, alarmed scientists discovered cyrillic code, which translated read "Equipment of St. Petersburg." 

Typical Russian Asset

Top scientists believe the whale was part of a Russian naval spying project, intended to subjugate the free atheist nations of the socialist West to a 13% flat tax and Eastern Orthodoxy. But while Belugas are suited to operations in the frozen Arctic, they're less suited to the globally warmed south.

Said one expert, "Belugas are ideal for operations in the Arctic where they are specially adapted to surviving in the harsh environment. Being relatively slow swimmers, Belugas are less suited to some marine mammal missions such as intercepting and marking enemy combat divers."

Putin With Assets

Whether Russia's desperate and risible attempt to subvert the democratic socialism of the West through its patriarchal oppression of sea creatures remains to be seen.

But our cry is simple. Destroy and smash the aquatic hotbeds of oppression, crush the recidivist forces of the enemy and its Hillary-defeating puppet so that, at last, we can be free.

13% Flat Tax And Mass Going Catholic To Boot

Aquatically,

LSP