Showing posts with label Anglican Church of Canada. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anglican Church of Canada. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

War Games



The helmet taking cover at the chair is an American rifleman; the blueshirt advancing to contact from the wooden F.O.B is a member of the German Wehrmacht. In a closely fought action, both sides acquitted themselves bravely before falling back to their respective positions.

It's curious, I think, that children should still be fighting WWII. Let's hope and pray they won't have to go through the real thing and if they do, return home safely.

ET Come Home?

In other news, Calgary has become a UFO hotspot, with 26 sightings recorded last year alone. Could it be that the mysteriously small ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) is returning home? Experts are divided.

God bless,

LSP


Sunday, July 15, 2012

Anglican Church of Canada Found at Bottom of Baltic Sea?

Anglican Church of Canada?


In a dramatic new discovery, a team of salvage divers have found what might be the lost Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC). At the bottom of the Baltic sea!

Spotted on sonar last year, the mysterious object appeared to resemble the Millennium Falcon, of Star Wars fame, leading some observers to speculate that it was a UFO. But when the diving team, calling themselves "Ocean X," returned to the site this June, something even stranger was discovered.

artist's impression


The UFO shaped object appears to be a massive stone mushroom, the size of a passenger jet, with grooves cut in its surface and small fireplace-like structures covered in what might be soot. One diver stated that it was like "nothing I'd ever seen before."

Speculation over the identity of the object is rife. “We've heard lots of different kinds of explanations, from George Lucas's spaceship – the Millennium Falcon – to ‘It's some kind of plug to the inner world,’ like it should be hell down there or something,” said Peter Lindberg, an Ocean X diver.

stairway to Tartarus?


Mystery and speculation deepened when it was discovered that the strange stone structure shut down electrical equipment and media devices, leading some experts to question whether the underwater phenomenon was the Anglican Church of Canada.

Millennium Falcon


According to Canon James Daltrey, a noted ACoC theorist, "It's about the right size, about as big as a jumbo jet, and it cuts off communications. Just what you'd expect from the Anglican Church of Canada." But others aren't so sure. "True, the object is extremely small for a religious denomination and appears to be covered in dirt, but everyone knows that ACoC launched into deep space some time ago. The object's probably a Nazi device for catching submarines or an antedeluvian monolith of some sort. Who knows, perhaps it's a UFO," said one senior Episcopal cleric who insisted on anonymity for fear of being sued under his church's draconian Title IV Canons.

bishop Michael Ingham


Anglican Church of Canada, UFO, or pre-flood remnant of an ancient civilization, no one knows for sure. Ocean X is set to return to the site later this year.

Stay tuned,

LSP










Sunday, April 29, 2012

I am the Good Shepherd


Jesus tells us in today's Gospel that He is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep, unlike the "hireling" who runs away from the "wolf."

I waxed fiery during the sermon about the apostate hirelings who have either run away from the demonic beast or sided with him in order to lead the foolish sheeple to perdition. Western Anglicanism serves as a handy case study. Under its current gang of heretical pagans pastors The Episcopal Church (TEC) is losing 50,000 annually and its lesser cousin, the diminutive ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), well, where is it? Mars?

some kind of joke?
After the first Mass we discussed the text a little further over coffee, noting that Christ is both sheep and shepherd, sacrificial victim and eschatological Lord. This prompted the following:

Countryman 1:  "I used to raise sheep, Father."
LSP:                 "Ah hah."
Countryman 1:  "They're dumber than a box of hammers."
Countryman 2: "I was showing a sheep and it ran right off into a  moat. I had to use a lariat to haul it out."
LSP:                  "I see."

Here endeth the Lesson.

LSP

Monday, March 5, 2012

Starchild Space Alien?


Ground-breaking scientific research has revealed that a mysterious skull, discovered in a Mexican tunnel, may not be human.

After extensive DNA testing, the outsize cranium, popularly known as "Starchild", was shown to have different mtDNA than normal humans, with a much larger number of nucleotides than a usual person.


This has lead some experts to speculate that the Starchild is a space alien, “foreign to normal human genetics within the framework of that subject as it is currently understood... definitely not from planet Earth."

ACoC Bishop
Others disagree. "The Starchild isn't a space alien, it's a hybrid," said one source, "It's probably just the swollen skull of an ACoC bishop. Part human, part something else."

Human, hybrid or alien, Starchild remains a mystery. ACoC continues its journey into the far reaches of the stellar void.

LSP


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Anglican Church of Canada Attacks China!

ACoC
Readers may not remember ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), the dismally small Anglican denomination that left earth for the icy void of deep space. 

But gone isn't necessarily forgotten, as large chunks of the little church rain down from space on unsuspecting Chinese villagers in Jiangxi Province.

Astronaut
"We thought it was an earthquake but it was just a broken old bit of the Anglican Church of Canada," said one visibly relieved villager.

Fortunately the ACoC debris fell harmlessly onto farmland, causing no injuries or damage to property. Next time the world may not be so lucky.

We have been warned,

LSP