Anglican Church of Canada Found at Bottom of Baltic Sea?

Anglican Church of Canada?

In a dramatic new discovery, a team of salvage divers have found what might be the lost Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC). At the bottom of the Baltic sea!

Spotted on sonar last year, the mysterious object appeared to resemble the Millennium Falcon, of Star Wars fame, leading some observers to speculate that it was a UFO. But when the diving team, calling themselves "Ocean X," returned to the site this June, something even stranger was discovered.

artist's impression

The UFO shaped object appears to be a massive stone mushroom, the size of a passenger jet, with grooves cut in its surface and small fireplace-like structures covered in what might be soot. One diver stated that it was like "nothing I'd ever seen before."

Speculation over the identity of the object is rife. “We've heard lots of different kinds of explanations, from George Lucas's spaceship – the Millennium Falcon – to ‘It's some kind of plug to the inner world,’ like it should be hell down there or something,” said Peter Lindberg, an Ocean X diver.

stairway to Tartarus?

Mystery and speculation deepened when it was discovered that the strange stone structure shut down electrical equipment and media devices, leading some experts to question whether the underwater phenomenon was the Anglican Church of Canada.

Millennium Falcon

According to Canon James Daltrey, a noted ACoC theorist, "It's about the right size, about as big as a jumbo jet, and it cuts off communications. Just what you'd expect from the Anglican Church of Canada." But others aren't so sure. "True, the object is extremely small for a religious denomination and appears to be covered in dirt, but everyone knows that ACoC launched into deep space some time ago. The object's probably a Nazi device for catching submarines or an antedeluvian monolith of some sort. Who knows, perhaps it's a UFO," said one senior Episcopal cleric who insisted on anonymity for fear of being sued under his church's draconian Title IV Canons.

bishop Michael Ingham

Anglican Church of Canada, UFO, or pre-flood remnant of an ancient civilization, no one knows for sure. Ocean X is set to return to the site later this year.

Stay tuned,

LSP

Faith

I know this site is mostly about firearms, horses and our space faring friends in the ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) and liturgical dancers and, well, whatever springs to mind. So here's a bit on faith, which the Epistle to the Hebrews tells us is the "substance of things hoped for, the argument of things unseen." (Heb 11:1)

There's a curious interplay of surety and uncertainty in this, to say nothing of the action of the Word drawing us as hypostasis (substance) and argument through our present clouded perspective to the fullness of the beatific vision.

I like these words from Benedict XVI's Introduction to Christianity:

“No one can lay God and his Kingdom on the table before another man; even the believer cannot do it for himself. But however strongly unbelief may feel justified thereby, it cannot forget the eerie feeling induced by the words “Yet perhaps it is true.” That perhaps” is the unavoidable temptation it cannot elude, the temptation in which it, too, in the very act of rejection, has to experience the unrejectability of belief. In other words, both the believer and the unbeliever share, each in his own way, doubt and belief, if they do not hide from themselves and from the truth of their being. Neither can quite escape wither doubt or belief; for the one, faith is present against doubt; for the other, through doubt and in the form of doubt. It is the basic pattern of man’s destiny only to be allowed to find the finality of his existence in this unceasing rivalry between doubt and belief, temptation and certainty. Perhaps in precisely this way doubt, which saves both sides from being shut up in their own worlds, could become the avenue of communication. It prevents both from enjoying complete self-satisfaction; it opens up the believer to the doubter and the doubter to the believer; for one, it is his share in the fate of the unbeliever; for the other, the form in which belief remains nevertheless a challenge to him.” 

And again:

“There is no such thing as a mere observer. There is no such thing as pure objectivity. One can even say that the higher an object stands in human terms, the more it penetrates the center of individuality; and the more it engages the beholder’s individuality, then the smaller the possibility of the mere distancing involved in pure objectivity. Thus, wherever an answer is presented as unemotionally objective, as a statement that finally goes beyond the prejudices of the pious and provides purely factual, scientific information, then it has to be said that the speaker has here fallen victim to self-deception. This kind of objectivity is quite simply denied to man. He cannot ask and exist as a mere observer. He who tries to be a mere observer experiences nothing. Even the reality “God” can only impinge on the vision of him who enters in the experiment with God – the experiment that we call faith. Only by entering does one experience; only by cooperating in the experiment does one ask at all; and only he who asks receives an answer.”

If you're interested in this, see B16's lecture to the theology faculty at Breslau. His use of Thomas, Augustine and other "Masters" is simply outstanding and to my mind well worth reading several times. 

Keep the Faith,

LSP

 

I am the Good Shepherd

Jesus tells us in today's Gospel that He is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep, unlike the "hireling" who runs away from the "wolf."

I waxed fiery during the sermon about the apostate hirelings who have either run away from the demonic beast or sided with him in order to lead the foolish sheeple to perdition. Western Anglicanism serves as a handy case study. Under its current gang of heretical pagans pastors The Episcopal Church (TEC) is losing 50,000 annually and its lesser cousin, the diminutive ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), well, where is it? Mars?

some kind of joke?

After the first Mass we discussed the text a little further over coffee, noting that Christ is both sheep and shepherd, sacrificial victim and eschatological Lord. This prompted the following:

Countryman 1:  "I used to raise sheep, Father."

LSP:                 "Ah hah."

Countryman 1:  "They're dumber than a box of hammers."

Countryman 2: "I was showing a sheep and it ran right off into a  moat. I had to use a lariat to haul it out."

LSP:                  "I see."

Here endeth the Lesson.

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada -- Latest News!

ACoC Bishop?

In a remarkable turn of events, there appears to be absolutely no news whatsoever about ACoC, the tiny religious organization known as "Anglican Church of Canada." At least no news on this planet, but on Mars the wires are buzzing with an exciting new discovery.

A crack team of number-crunchers in Southern California have decoded long forgotten data from NASA's 1970s Mars missions and came to a startling conclusion. Microscopic life exists on the Red Planet. "I'm 99 per cent sure there's life there. To paraphrase an old saying, if it looks like a microbe and acts like a microbe - then it probably is a microbe, like ACoC," stated expert biologist, Joseph Miller.

Mars Microbe

Unfortunately, bungling NASA boffins boiled the microscopic ecclesial remnants while analysing soil samples brought back to earth from the Red Planet. However, parts of the near invisible church might still exist, as Martian dirt emits large quantities of methane gas. 

This, according to experts, is a near certain sign that ACoC, or at least its Synod, is still in existence.

Stay tuned.

LSP

Starchild Space Alien?

Ground-breaking scientific research has revealed that a mysterious skull, discovered in a Mexican tunnel, may not be human.

After extensive DNA testing, the outsize cranium, popularly known as "Starchild", was shown to have different mtDNA than normal humans, with a much larger number of nucleotides than a usual person.

This has lead some experts to speculate that the Starchild is a space alien, “foreign to normal human genetics within the framework of that subject as it is currently understood... definitely not from planet Earth."

ACoC Bishop

Others disagree. "The Starchild isn't a space alien, it's a hybrid," said one source, "It's probably just the swollen skull of an ACoC bishop. Part human, part something else."

Human, hybrid or alien, Starchild remains a mystery. ACoC continues its journey into the far reaches of the stellar void.

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Attacks China!

ACoC

Readers may not remember ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), the dismally small Anglican denomination that left earth for the icy void of deep space. 

But gone isn't necessarily forgotten, as large chunks of the little church rain down from space on unsuspecting Chinese villagers in Jiangxi Province.

Astronaut

"We thought it was an earthquake but it was just a broken old bit of the Anglican Church of Canada," said one visibly relieved villager.

Fortunately the ACoC debris fell harmlessly onto farmland, causing no injuries or damage to property. Next time the world may not be so lucky.

We have been warned,

LSP

Market Meltdown - Anglican Church of Canada Launches Stimulus

As investors fled today's market, dumping everything from equities to gold, ACoC, the small-footprint Canadian Anglican franchise, launched its own brand of stimulus - handing out free tokens in Toronto.

Led by top ACoC official, Bishop Mark MacDonald, clergypersons gave away gratis invites to commuters on the metro area GO Train, asking them to "go back to church." 

Dressed in full bishop's regalia, including a "button blanket" depicting an eagle, a wolf, a raven and a killer whale, MacDonald acknowledges he shocked some passengers. "People aren't used to seeing somebody dressed like that, especially at seven o'clock in the morning," said MacDonald in a statement to press.

According to Bishop Patrick Yu, who handed out tokens at Agincourt GO station, ACoC's giveaway gambit might not result in more people going to church. "The success isn't how many people come," said Yu to the Toronto diocesan website, "it's how many people do the inviting."

Others are less optimistic. "Is this Halloween?" remarked one commuter.

NASA scientists predict that ACoC, or similar space debris will fall to earth on Friday, but that's one chance in thousands. "We take in about 450,000 observations per day, and that helps us track the 22,000 space objects that we track currently. The small Anglican Church of Canada is one of them," said Major Michael Duncan at the Defense Department.

Experts are unsure as to whether ACoC's efforts to boost value in time for Back to Church Sunday will coincide with the tiny ecclesial body's possible re-entry into earth atmosphere.

ACoC leader, Fred Hiltz, was unavailable for comment.

Cheers,

LSP