Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Anglican Church of Canada ODs on Zombie Drug



Scores of zombielike Canadian bishops were seen staggering blindly through a Toronto suburb, weeping, babbling and foaming down their purple shirts.

But this wasn't a movie, it was a scene from the Anglican Church of Canada's (ACoC) General Synod. "I thought I was watching The Walking Dead," said one shocked Synod delegate.


Staggering

“These guys were wandering around, stumbling all over the place, and were completely out of it, they didn’t know their whereabouts, and some couldn’t even get up off the floor. One guy, I think it was the Bishop of Ottawa, was even trying to hold himself up with a Johnny pump [fire hydrant]. It was ridiculous.”


Incoherent

The disturbing scenes came after the Synod narrowly failed to vote in favor of allowing same-sex marriage, prompting a number of bishops to "lose it." According to one member of Synod:

"After the initial vote, a lot of people, especially bishops, seemed to lose it. People just kept showing up and then quickly dropping to the ground, flopping over, or crumpling onto the floor. They all seemed oblivious to their surroundings and just couldn't stay on their feet. It was obviously a bad batch of K2."


High on K2

K2 is a form of legal synthetic marijauna, which is known for its dangerous side-effects. After discovering that the Synod had in fact voted in favor of gay marriage rituals, affected members appeared to recover.


Loved Up

Reports that ACoC's bishops have resorted to a deadly mix of K2 and the illegal street drug Ecstasy are unverified.

LSP


14 comments:

GruntOfMonteCristo said...

Oh, that's too funny. And scary, of course! Snark on steroids, not K2!

Euripides said...

I think I remember reading the commandment to avoid binary polarities. Isn't that in Exodus 20? "Thou shalt not be beholden to binary polarities. For whomsoever is gender specific is an abomination before me."

LL said...

The disturbing scenes came after the Synod narrowly failed to vote in favor of allowing same-sex marriage, prompting a number of bishops to "lose it." According to one member of Synod Does this mean that C of E will remove C of C from the Anglican Communion? The lack of progressive clergy naturally would send homosexuals into apoplectic shock (better aided by pharmaceuticals?). They need to recruit priests more assertively from the LGBTQ community if they wish to prevail.

LL said...

I'm sure that when they read of Sodomy in the Book of Genesis, there are many priest who underline their favorite parts in red pencil.

LindaG said...

Sad to me. I'm sure there is funny somewhere, but mostly sad.

Be safe and God bless.

Michael Peterson said...

I was there. Had a ringside seat because I was tasked with running the chaplaincy recruiting booth. This was a done deal, a Mac truck that couldn't be stopped. The whole issue is seen through a social justice lens, no arguing theology with that position. All that remains is to see the fallout.

LSP said...

Grunt -- Snark on Steroids? S2. Heh. But really, read Anglican Samizdat's coverage (link in post). Zombie mayhem is me me being kind...

LSP said...

Good exegesis, Euripides. And note Revelation: I beheld a rider upon a Unicorn and on his thigh was written Rainbow.

LSP said...

LL, I get the weird and admittedly gut feeling that Welby won't do anything at all about this.

LSP said...

I think it's sad too, Linda. God bless.

LSP said...

I thought you might have been there, Padre, and I have to say, what's the point of the synodical process given what went down? The same sex crew were going to do it anyway, regardless. We see the structure of the church but the reality's been hollowed out, or something like that. Of course theology isn't in the equation.

Respect to your ministry.

Brig said...

These people are making it harder and harder to be a sinner, cause nothing appears to be one any more...

LL said...

There is a constant battle between the sons of light and the sons of darkness.

I saw a monument/sculpture to that - the Shrine of the Book, in Israel. (One of the Dead Sea Scrolls is called, "The War of the Sons of Light Against the Sons of Darkness", or the "War Scroll". And the war is played out every day, that constant struggle.

"Anti-aircraft guns against flying monkeys and the witch who leads them," might be an interesting sculpture honoring Hillary Clinton's contribution to American politics. You could put it in Detroit, right next to that statue to Satan that they have in that town. The City that the Progs Built...

Theodore said...

Thank goodness I'm a Catholic. And despite some of Francis' more inane pronouncements, he's still holding the line.