Monday, October 13, 2014

Archimandrite Rips Welby


Russian Archmandrite, Nectarius, of St. Petersburg, has ripped into Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury, accusing Anglicanism's top pontiff of being influenced by demons.

"The soul of one who has fallen away from God," stated Nactarius, "is not in contact with the miracles of grace, but is subject to the invasion of false and demonic signs. This unfortunate man, the head of the church of England, has not been found worthy to witness a single miracle in his life."

The outspoken Archimandrite went on to blast Welby for his lack of belief, "For our part, we wonder why the former oil executive, Justin Welby, has not the honesty to give up his large salary and prestigious home and hand over his office to someone who actually believes in and knows Jesus Christ, the Son of God."

Fit To Fight?

Nectarius' rip followed Welby's interview with the left-leaning U.K. newspaper, the Independent, in which the Archbishop admitted he didn't believe in God when he was jogging.


"The other day I was praying over something as I was running and I ended up saying to God, Look this is all very well but isn’t it about time you did something – if you’re there," said the former "oil shark" and Old Etonian.

Out, Demons, Out!


Rumors that boxes of old socks are being sent to Lambeth Palace in an attempt to add General Patton to the Anglican Calendar are entirely true.

God bless.

LSP

8 comments:

Brighid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LSP said...

See LL -- he's in charge of this operation...

LL said...

If an Archimandrite says that you're possessed of Satan - I don't know that a box of old socks will save you.

Matthew 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!"

The "eye of the needle" was a small gate in Jerusalem and in order for the camel to go through it, the beast needed to be unloaded of its goods and to walk through on it's 'knees'. So it is with rich men like Dobby. My sense is that it what the Archimandrite was getting at.

Having an atheist (at heart) cloaked with fine silks and vestiges of clerical office is an abomination in the sight of God. I think that is also what the Archimandrite was trying to explain. I am putting words in his mouth - but he's a Russian.

LSP said...

What can I say? Tovarich.

LL said...

I'm guessing that the Archimandrite didn't buy his clerical office. Welby -- oil tycoon -- must have thought that he could buy his way into heaven through bribing his way into high office.

And then he dragged all of his fellow whited sepulchers along with him in his quest for God's favor. Only a demon would think like that.

jenny said...

Does this make Nectarius a Donatist?

LSP said...

Well, you know our "Dobby"... those who live by the sock get possessed, by the sock.

LSP said...

Good call! But no.Nectarius is just calling out a sock puppet heretic.